I have had one of the worst months that I can remember. I’ve gone through having mono while still trying to balance school, 2 jobs, and what some may call a social life. I’ve shut myself away from my friends and family because I hate people seeing my weaknesses. I’ve felt worthless and useless more times than I can count. But today when talking to a new friend, I’ve realized that I’ve been looking at life wrong for the past (almost) 20 years.
Growing up as one of the top dogs in a small town, life was pretty easy for me. I didn’t have much to worry about, and took for granted all of the love I got from my friends and family. Then U of M came in and checked a lot of my privilege. I truly went from being a big fish in a small pond to a minnow in the ocean (yes I know minnows are freshwater fish, but I’m making a point).
I started looking at everything wrong with my life instead of what was right. I cried over getting a B in Calculus, but never took the time to smile over all of my friends that made my freshman year (or this year) an amazing experience. And today I realized two things:
1) I’ve been doing this wrong for my whole life
2) The people that are in my life are perfect
I’ve spent the last month worrying about three main things: my grades, being sick, and my research projects. I’ve been struggling with my identities, and have been thinking that I was all alone.
During this time I failed to appreciate so many things- that I have friends that will tuck me into bed when I feel sick, friends that will go to the store to get me stuff so I didn’t have to leave my room when I was sleeping 12+ hours a day. I have professors that care about me and one that even invited me to her house to help me get caught up on my work (and see her dalmatian puppies!). I have a family that loves me so much that they can’t go a day without making sure I’m alright. And today, after seeing a Youtube video of all fricking things (and letting out a few months of tears), I realized how much happier I would be if instead of advocating for everyone to appreciate their lives, I took some time to appreciate mine. If I was a character in the Iliad (Gtbooks 191 reference FTW), my fatal flaw would be worrying too much about making sure everyone else was happy, without taking the time for myself. I think Homer would have killed me off when I was comforting someone else, because that is completely how my life is. Finding the balance between caring about others and caring about myself is my newest resolution. For now, I’m going to appreciate everyone who hasn’t been.
To all my perfections; my friends and family, especially Mom, Dad, Sara, Callie, Taylor, and Nav, I love you all. You are truly the perfections in my completely imperfect life. And to all my future friends, I cannot wait to see what life has in store for us.
-Adam
adameickmeyer 