My Spring Break from the University of Michigan was pretty calm. I stayed down here in Ann Arbor to catch up on my research projects at the hospital and to enjoy the company of the handful of friends that stayed down here as well. The break was much needed relaxation, but of course I was able to learn a few lessons.
This lesson came to me on my birthday, March 6th.
It was a pretty average Wednesday; I started off the day going on NICU rounds for a job interview and then I went to my Urology office to work. One of my friends took me out to lunch that day, which is always great. It was a pretty normal lunch, and somehow we got to talking about my future research in health disparities in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities. This is a conversation that I have with a lot of people since I am so nerdy and interested in the topic, but it had never ignited as much personal interest as it did with my friend that day. She looked at me and I could tell that she was a little off-kilter about something.
After we had talked about this subject for a little while, she told me that she has known me for quite some time now, and had something she had to tell me. I instantly knew what was on her mind, and she didn’t even need to say it. Literally, she never said any words when she came out to me as being gay.
My first thought was “holy shit!” I was flabbergasted and speechless for a few seconds. It wasn’t because I was mad or upset, but because I’ve known her for a while and would never have guessed that she had this baggage to deal with- on top of a lot of other personal issues in her life right now. She has known this about herself for over 10 years, and is just finally feeling safe enough to tell people. The fact that it took her this long to tell me made me realize how much stress people in the LGBT community must be in when trying to discover, and then share their identities.
So you’re probably wondering what my philosophical revelation for the day was.
I don’t think the following details of our conversation are extremely important, but I want to share the lesson that I learned on my birthday.
People have baggage. No matter how well we think we know someone, we will never know all of their life experiences and all of the shit they have had to go through or are currently going through. To combat this lack of knowledge, we must be open, accepting, and there for people. You never know what a mean word might do to a person whose baggage currently has them depressed or suicidal.
I recently had to help run a meeting in my residence hall to deal with the use of sexist and homophobic language being used in our hall, which is not tolerable. The words ‘faggot’ ‘queer’ and ‘gay’ were thrown around by these freshmen boys like monkeys fling their shit. And they both have about the same effect on others in the community. Watch your language; you never know how your words will hit someone. Be inclusive and inviting to those around you. You don’t have to agree with people’s sexual choices, but you do have to respect these people for who they are. Imagine yourself in their shoes, having to tell your family and friends a secret that has gotten people disowned by their families, or even killed, in the past. And then imagine the emotional baggage that those people are dealing with. How does that make you feel? That’s how these people feel every day.
So to recap:
Everyone has baggage.
You don’t know everyone’s life.
So-
Be nice.
To everyone.
All the time.
You never know how your positivity might help someone who just needs someone to be there. It’s a skill we all need to work on, and hopefully you can see from my experience that this kind of stuff happens in real life and truly does matter.
Peace and love.
Adam
*Photo from Issues in your Tissues
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